The FOUR AGREEMENTS for Writers

Although Don Miguel Ruiz's FOUR AGREEMENTS has been around a while, it was only recently that I received a copy for my birthday from my friend and fellow writer, Mindy Neff.

It is quite possible that someone else has already come up with the idea of using the Four Agreements for writers, but here is what has been given to me:

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word.

"Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. "

In my own writing life, it is up to me and only me to be a person who speaks and acts with intregrity even in the face of controversy, even when others do not abide by this standard.

There is no need to denegrate our writing or our careers. Too often I read e-mail loops where writers are sharing in their misery over the latest news of dying categories, changing rules in organizations, dropping royalties. Gossip about anything -- no matter how justified we may feel -- helps no one and hinders our own career path, filling it with fear, doubts and negativity.

Speaking of negativity, I have experienced editors and agents in my past who have been dishonest and deceitful. Each time I discovered this, I was naively brought to my knees, figuratively. My reaction was to give up, quit writing, tell myself that I couldn't play their head games. This leads me to the next agreement --

2. Don't Take Anything Personally.

"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."

This is a big one for writers. We rant about rejection letters or revision notes. We vent to our friends that a book reviewer (or agent or editor) is ruining our career. I read somewhere recently (perhaps from Miss Snark's blog, which is no more, sad to say) -- If you get a bad review, don't take it personally. And if you get a good review, don't take it personally.

3. Don't Make Assumptions.

"Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. "

As writers, we wait to hear from editors or agents on our query letters or proposals, sometimes for many months. How many times have I heard a writer say that she doesn't want to contact the editor or agent because she'll appear to be a pest? Or she thinks the editor or agent must not like it, and is taking forever to compose a rejection letter. And these are just two examples of dozens of assumptions. After all, as highly creative writers, we are exceptionally brilliant when it comes to imagining all kinds of things that can go wrong (or right), instead of doing something to find out what's really going on. Don't you agree? Our anxieties stem from our imaginative nature!

It's okay to express what you want to your friends and family. Tell them that you want to work on your book! Quit over-filling your calendar with daily commitments to help everyone else with their needs. I'm not advocating total reclusiveness. But we need to decide for ourselves that we want to write our novels, rather than allowing everyone else's dreams and desires to take precedence.

4. Always Do Your Best.

"Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Set the intention to follow these four agreements for writers on a daily basis. Your first attempts will not be 100% perfect. Aim for 80% by six weeks. Even 40% is a success. The point is to develop your awareness. Be aware of the gossip and power of your words. Instead, choose to use your words to build up others and yourself. The next time you having hurt feelings due to someone else's actions, remember that they are only portraying their own self-image, not demeaning yours--unless you allow it.

Do your best to love yourself and your path in this life, which includes being a writer among many other things.

For me, being a writer is a means in which I meet highly creative individuals with open minds and warm hearts. I think this is why I was drawn into Romance Writers of America. Writers of romance have a core belief in the transcending power of Love. Love is the life force of our true selves. What better job is there than to keep this message alive and circulating among our readers?

If I encounter anyone who may not be so evolved, who may wish to infect others with their own bleak outlook on the world, I silently bless them and continue on my own path. If I must be in a working relationship with them, I harbor no resentment or fear of their power because they have no power over my own perception of myself.

Instead, I remember that I am here to be a blessing to everyone in my life, just as I believe that everyone in my life is blessing to me. Even if I fall into judgment that a person is being negative toward me, I remind myself that even this is a blessing, an opportunity for me to learn more about who I am and who I am destined to be.

Namaste'