Ten WAys To Become A More Positive Person

Are you a positive person?

I would like to think that I am. But I struggle with it, even though my friends may say otherwise.

My local paper runs a column called "Your Mind Matters" by licensed psychologist Allan J. Comeau, Ph.D.. I have really enjoyed reading them, but this particular article in January spoke to me so much that I tore it out to refer to it when I needed.

Today I wanted to share it on my blog, but couldn't find it on the paper's website, so I asked Dr. Comeau for permission to reprint it. I am very grateful he said yes.

He also said he's compiling his columns for a book. I will be first in line to buy one!

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! If so, tell me *your* favorite thought or pointer.

10 ways to become a more positive person

- Allan J Comeau, Ph.D

Consider these thoughts about and pointers for becoming a more positive person in the new year:

1. Instead of leading off with a to-do list or a mountain of insurmountable resolutions, think about changing your primary verbs -- think “be” rather than “do.” Who are you and what you are in the process of becoming, given your current work and leisure activities, is the new focus. Instead of being driven by such self-talk as “I want to be someone who has…,” complete the statement, “I’m committed to being someone who is…,” and describe the qualities that you admire in others as well as in yourself.

2. Become someone who takes the initiative on a task or assignment. Realize that achieving one’s goals in life and work is a process that often requires great effort. Often the single most important effort you make is the one that overcomes inertia -- overcome procrastination by taking the first step…then the next.

3. Plan carefully, allowing for each of the steps that are needed for you to achieve both your “being” as well as your “doing” goals. Then mostly stick to your plan, allowing enough time and energy for your efforts to come to fruition. Sometimes strategic changes are of course necessary, but perseverance is a powerful attitude, one that can activate and strengthen your inner ability to overcome many obstacles along the way to success.

4. Smile more often, especially when it’s truly spontaneous and heartfelt. When our facial muscles are smiling, you’re in your most pleasant and relaxed posture. Also, genuine smiles are contagious, sending the people around us messages of safety and inclusion.

5. Give a compliment or two to someone every day. Kind words and words of appreciation enhance our sense of each other’s value. Like any desirable social behavior, giving praise to other is a habit that will improve your ability to make such comments and also your capacity to recognize future efforts worth of praise.

6. Be kinder to yourself -- hold back on negative self-criticism. My many years of experience as a psychotherapist has shown me that we are often our own most severe critics. Try to reframe your sense of your mistakes and failures. Look at them as opportunities for learning and for making positive corrective adjustments to the new or challenging situation that you face each day.

7. Be forgiving and considerate of others, as much as your sense of fairness and justice will allow. Remember, forgiveness not only releases the offending party from his or her own offense, it also releases the giver from the unpleasant feelings of a grudge.

8. Be a continuous learner. I’ve experience the pleasure of learning throughout my life, whether through reading, dialogue, watching someone who knows how to do something (or knows ho to teach something), and teaching others to learn skills and concepts. Scientists have recently discovered something I’ve known all along -- that learning new things brings joy to the student and to the teacher.

9. Do the right thing. During the last Winter Olympics I was astounded by the Norwegian ski coach who gave a Canadian athlete his ski pole after another competitor had stepped on hers. That athlete went on to medal, perhaps at the cost of one of her competitors. The international praise for the coach was well deserved, as there was unanimity of opinion that sportmanship isn’t always about winning.

10. Consider taking a break from the treadmill and the rat race. Pace yourself according to the natural rhythms of your biological clock. Being positive may be less bout getting more things done that it is about getting the right things done for the right reasons with the right people. It’s about believing in yourself and the contributions that you can make -- to make this world and everyone’s lives in it more positive and in the balance.

Write to licensed psychologist Allan J. Comeau, Ph.D., at 2001 S. Barington Ave., Suite 304, Los Angeles, CA 90025 or e-mail yourmindmatters@hotmail.com